These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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