He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i love accidental penises.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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