I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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