im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
