She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
