My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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