@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
