It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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