You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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