she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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