even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
