you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
did i just pee glitter
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
