Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
