I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Boobs are out for the taking
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
