i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
