It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
