Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
