We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
