I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
