I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
