Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
