i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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