so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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