so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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