At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
