I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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