It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sarcasm needs its own font
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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