Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
