Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
