Your dad touched me again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
