We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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