I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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