I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
