it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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