That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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