everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
