Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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