i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Randomize
