My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
