Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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