I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
