i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
