but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we're making bets on your personal life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
ttyl tear gas
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
