I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Buhtt sex?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
