dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You left your phone here
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