my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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