i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
