In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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