i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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