Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
