Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
