hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
