Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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