I need help removing her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
