The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
