The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
