"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
