we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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