he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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