so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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