Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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